What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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