and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
