I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
