I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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