i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
