i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
