bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
