no, he came in my armpit
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
