in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
