I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
