the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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