You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
