I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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