Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
