I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
