you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
