So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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