I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
