people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
