Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
