my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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