I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
