I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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