sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
