no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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