Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
