he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
