i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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