Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm just crazy horny about you
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
