I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
