Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
