I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
