its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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