Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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