Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
