totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
