i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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