ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
