At least make sure they are 18
Why
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
