i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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