so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
