He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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