Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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