Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
