Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I could have mohawked her pubes.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Randomize
