just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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