Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
