I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
