She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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