I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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