dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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